20 July, 2014

Almost A Goodbye. {Suicide}

Eight paracetamols I took, all in the hope that it would end. Hoping that I would finally find peace and that all my sorrows would diminish.

I didn't leave a note, for nothing remained to be said. I didn't tie up loose ends, for I knew the world would move on without me.

I just wanted to transcend above and beyond, out of reach.



I woke up to the glaring light, which was blinding my eyes. Is this how heaven is supposed to look? Loud cries could be heard, some in pain and some exhaled in joy. I couldn't fathom what was happening till I heard, "You're safe and stable now."
 

The hospital.


Safe? I smirked.
I cursed my fate.
Safe was what I wanted. 
Stable is what I will never be.


I fumbled for an answer to the pain and wondered why it all did not end. Why I was not annihilated off the face of this planet. I cussed the soul that had saved me. The truth was, I was beyond saving. Now I was forced to live this doomed existence till death decided to play its part.. again.




13 July, 2014

Reactions After An Absence. ♥

A thousand thoughts ran through my mind,
How would we greet each other?
Would he be thrilled to see me?

I knew how I felt..
Exhilarated and excited,
Filled with ardor and zest;
I longed to hold his face in my palms,
And squeal with joy.

Each second felt like an hour,
These two years apart had flown faster than these couple minutes - or so I felt,
Would we smile and say a polite hi?
Will we shake hands?
Will I blush at his sight and coyly laugh?

Our relationship had blossomed over the years,
Life's challenges had made it stronger,
Happiness had multiplied only by the presence of each other,
But really...
Just how would he welcome me back?

I pushed my trolley laden with excess baggage,
I felt shy to search for that face,
My heart beat past a normal pace,
I looked around and..
There he was,
Standing amidst the chaotic crowd,
Our eyes locked and the moment froze.

I rushed past the security procedures - beaming widely,
Disrupting the haphazard pattern that people had formed.
I jumped into his open arms,
Our laughter was synchronous,
Tears of joy spilled down my cheek,
Our overflowing happiness was evident.

He lifted me up,
Hugged me tightly and..
Sealed our relationship with the heartiest kiss!!

I knew at that moment,
That nothing had ever changed between us,
And it put all my insecurities to rest,
But the nutso here?
I realized that airports indeed have more sincere kisses than wedding halls. :)








02 July, 2014

Memories are BEAUTIFUL.

Memories of a bygone past,
So beautiful they are;
It rushes to me,
Every now and then,
Spreading a wide smile on my face,
I cherish them,
For they are a reminder of..
More wonderful things to come.

Conversations over food,
Such positivity they carry,
Happiness in abundance they bring,
Sometimes, the best memories..
Require only great company and good food.

Some moments,
Etched they are,
Deeply into my mind,
That never I shall forget them,
For they will be my savior during rough times,
Look back at them I can,
And laugh to my heart's content.

These memories,
They trickle through my mind,
Reminding me of the struggles traversed,
The laughter shared,
Chitchats on a patio,
Wow..
How much serenity they carry.

I'm grateful for all that I have experienced,
The past and the present,
The good and the bad,
For each memory taught me a lesson,
On relationships, career and life..
Who would I be,
And how would I ever be happy,
If I didn't have any memories?


Love,


16 June, 2014

55 fiction.

"We're meant to be together, baby. Distance isn't even a factor, nothing will ever tear us apart. Trust me."

How do you trust someone when they say this before you relocate, but cut off all contact with you and you later hear that they've married someone else?


Love.. 
Something that I will never understand.



Girlfriend to divorcee.

1996,
In a relationship,
For seven months:

Every time I hear those words,
I get a knot in my stomach,
My heart beats faster,
I feel a little giddy,
I know I've made the right choice.. 
What more could anyone want, other than love?


1999,
Married,
Second anniversary:

Responsibilities have taken over,
Work has eaten into his soul,
But my love has not diminished,
I wish we could spend more time together,
But what would life be without hardships?
Thankful I am,
To have found a partner,
Who cares to fulfill my every need.


2003,
Married with kids,
Fourth anniversary:

My kids make me smile,
They make me feel so proud,
All my emotional needs they complete,
I'm glad they're here with me;
For a lonely soul,
I wish not to be,
My marriage seems to have been vanquished.


2009,
Married,
Tenth anniversary:

Love I experience in abundance,
But happy I am not,
A flourishing career I gave up,
At my husband's demand,
To raise my kids,
But now..
I regret it,
For respected I feel not.


2013,
Divorced,
A year after the divorce:

A beautiful home I had,
Servants appeared when I beckoned,
Expensive jewellery I wore,
I attended parties;
My parents couldn't understand why anyone would leave him,
Or that lifestyle,
They thought I wasn't adjusting enough,
They felt I should be crazy to leave a 'wonderful' man;
But behind the door,
The scene was different,
My husband and I almost never communicated,
He'd silence me with a stern comment,
And tell me to go about my duties;
He refused to hear my cries for help,
When I was drowning in sorrow;
He walked away when I needed him most;
He felt I was unworthy, 
For no money I brought to the table,
I was apparently only lazing around at home;
He had no more respect for me,
He no longer cared about my needs,
He didn't adore me any longer,
But you know what the irony is..
He said that he loved me every night.